I feel bad for my wife, who had to suffer through me gasping at every pizza misdeed. Phrases like “a crime against humanity,” “an abomination,” and “for the love of the breed!” were heard.

“For the love of the breed” demands some explanation. There used to be a dog grooming business or something in Brewster, MA, with that name. Every time we drove by I would dramatize it like “For the LOVE of the BREEEEEED.” And now I use it to generally decry societal ills.