‪Holiday Inn. Portland, OR.

[image: Picture of a “Swift by Northwest” conference mug being filled with coffee.‬]

Emoji are pretty expressive, but to satisfy everybody we’re going to need a standard set of arbitrary glyphs that, when combined in different order, can be interpreted by our brains to create an unlimited variety of images.

Burrito is “OK.” It’s wrapped in foil, a necessity. Begs the question: why would a burrito be cut with a knife, and the foil peeled back meticulously by hand? Whole wheat tortilla and paleo-leaning fillings are atypical, and poorly distributed.

[Image: Apple emoji of burrito showing filling of meat, onions, cilantro, beans, and rice].

Milk emoji skillfully avoids pandering to “glass half full” or “glass half empty” zealots.

[Image: Screenshot of Apple’s milk emoji showing milk level around 3/4 full]

Unsurprisingly, Apple’s avocado is pretty good. Right skin color, green rim on the flesh, looks proper ripeness. #MadeInCalifornia

[Photo: Screenshot of Apple’s avocado emoji.]

Getting two oil boilers replaced with gas next week, and I’m feeling clever for timing the oil burn so I have one empty tank and one only 1/8 full. 🔥

The single most inspirational thing for conference attendees might be understanding how totally wrecked most speakers are by the process.

I need a ghost writer for conference talks. Getting up and talking is my forté, sitting down and structuring a talk, not so much …

‪So… if I were going in to talk with a President (never this one), I might deliberately change my passcode with the full knowledge I would be covered by tv cameras and secret service for the next few minutes. Pick your battles…‬

A special place in hell for anybody trying to spin America’s crisis-level disdain for minorities into a pity party for straight white men.